Here I am... as a totally different person than I was when I first started to blog and the last time I blogged. And again I have decided to start blogging so that I have something to look back to when I grow older... I will have more to look back to laugh at, cry at and smile at, just thinking about how life was back when I was younger haha. I haven't really sat down and thought about my life for a long time. Everything has been just so routine and same for the past half year...
Let me start by talking about how I am a totally different person now. I know when people say that they are a totally different person, you think that "Oh, they just stopped doing something.." or "Oh, its probably not even that big..." But, to me I have changed so much that I don't even remember how life was back then. But I do know that I have learned a lot. Well, this is where I stand now. I am a full time student at the University of Washington in Seattle, WA and I am also a US Solder in the US Army, Washington state National Guard. I have made a big decision to come into army at the age of 18. I didn't know what exactly I was signing up for, but I do know that I did it for a reason. It was for my life... For me not to struggle from financial issues. And most of all I didn't want my parents to have to deal with paying for tuition and pay for food and etc forever. I know how hard they work and there is a reason why I don't like it when they give me money or try to spend money on me. I liked it when I was younger and didn't know much... But because I know now that we, as a family, are suffering from a financial crisis... I have to step in and take care of myself.
The Army... really changed me and the way that I view life. I learned so many things that I never knew before and I now know myself a lot better. And most of all I have met so many different people, now I know how to be a better leader and how to deal with certain types of people in this world... I know that if I want to be a better and bigger person in the world and my general community back at home, I need to accomplish more and become a better leader... And now that I have learned so much from just being here in training for the Army, I am more confident than I was before to lead others in the society and to become a better and bigger person to achieve the goals that I have and want to reach. Honestly, when I start to think about going back home and reporting to my unit, I am scared to hear that my unit will be deploying. I really hope that my unit doesn't deploy, and if we do, I hope that I am not on the list. I have so much that I want to do with my family and do at school. I want to do better in school and get good grades and be the person that I've always wanted to be. I know that being in the Army, duty is really important and when I am called to duty I have to be ready and ready to go to wherever uncle sam wants me to go... But I am really hoping that God has a different plan for me. I know that God knows that I have certain things that I want to achieve in life and I do know that He knows that I have a family that really needs me to be by their side. So even if it comes down to me leaving, I know that I will be in Gods hand so I shouldn't worry.
So I am finally going back home after a long, hard and rigorous half year of basic combat training and advanced individual training! I really can't wait to see my family again and go back to church and be with my church family, smile, laugh, cry, and everything with them. I miss everyone and everything back at home. I've been away for so long that when I think about going back home I can't believe that it is actually happening and that I am actually going back home... Like... its unbelievable if you know what I mean.. its too good to be true. I know that I am so close to graduating and so close to going home and I am getting more and more homesick when I think about going back home..Being away from home and being here by myself in such a new environment, my mindset has changed so much... I've changed so much that when I go back, I know that I will be changing my life up so that it is the better for me and my family. Especially for my mom and dad... they have faced so much hurt and tears because of me... And I know that nothing... not even a sincere apology will heal those tears and hurt in their hearts until I show them with action. I have lost their trust so long ago that I know it is going to be hard to start new with them. But I know that they love me so much that they are willing to forgive me and trust me again.
The one problem that I have is breaking up with my boyfriend. No matter how much I loved him and no matter how much he wants to be with me... which I don't know since we haven't been really talking much while I have been here... But I know that I will break up with him when I go back. That is one thing that I must and need to do in order to retrieve the relationship with my parents... Sigh, God please help me to choose the right words to say to him so that I don't hurt him and so that I don't leave him so lonely that I change his lifestyle. I know that I won't be doing much change to his life... but I do not want him to dislike me for the decision I make.
Sigh, oh Sandra. What are you going to do...
Lord God, I thank you for this day that you have given to us. Thank you for allowing us to have friends to laugh, smile and have a good day with. Right now I pray and ask you to help us out to continue to pray for our nation Lord, I know that you know what is going on right now with our government and economy, and I pray that you just bring justice and peace to our nation so that we can live happily for a long time. I pray that those who do not know you will be able to come to you in the near future and to confess and commit their lives to you Lord. I know that you are the healer and the worker of all miracles so I pray Lord that you work a miracle in our lives right now at this moment and heal our nation and in the name of our Holy Son Jesus, I pray that you take away all of the bad spirits that are corrupting this world. I pray for my family Lord that you bring peace to all of our hearts and that all of can humble ourselves to open up our hearts and to let you in Lord, let all of us become closer to you and to live more like you Lord. I also ask you to help us with our family business so that we won't need to worry about our finances as much as we are now. Lord God, I pray that you bring healing to our family so that we do not have hurt anymore Lord, I pray that you take away all the pain and worry from my parents. I also pray for my brother and sister that you give them the wisdom to be successful in school and for my brother Brian to get accepted into a college this year Lord. One last thing that I ask for Lord is for us to complete our AIT here in Ft. Lee, Virginia strongly... I pray that you watch over us for the next week and keep us safe on our travel back home. I pray and believe that you will keep us safe and sound while we go back home and when we get home Lord. You are amazing Lord and we trust you Lord, you of Lord of Lords and the greatest. I thank you once again and believe that you will keep us in your hands while we sleep at night. Let tomorrow be a better day than today and I thank you for everything and I pray in your Holy Name, Amen.
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